From: 15SHB009K@sit.singaporetech.edu.sg
To: brad.blackstone@singaporetech.edu.sg
CC: -
Subject: Self-Introduction about myself
Date: 16 January 2017
Dear Brad,
Good day to you. My name is Cai Xianda, currently pursuing a bachelor’s degree in hospitality business at Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). Formerly, I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in hospitality and tourism management.
During my polytechnic days, I interned at Dynasty Travel, a tour operator. My role as a travel consultant requires good listening and communication skills in order to understand customers’ needs and wants about their travel arrangement, planning an itinerary and communicate to them the different travel options and attractions that the country has to offer.
On the other hand, I had my first foray into the hotel industry while interning in Equarius Hotel at Resorts World Sentosa while in SIT. While working as an assistant concierge, my role is to provide special guest arrangements for any occasions, on top of providing guests with information about attractions and travel directions.
In communication, my peers regarded me as a good listener and a great source for travel and transportation advices. I tried many different communication styles through various group projects and presentations, as well as during my working experiences when interacting with colleagues and customers from all walks of life.
However, when it comes to addressing a crowd, my former self of being shy and nervous tends to return, having the tendency to forget the things I wanted to speak and looking at the screen periodically. I might stammer at certain point of delivery, reducing the clarity of my speech to the audience. Sometimes, I tend to be overly descriptive and not being concise in my choice of words. Therefore, mastering the art of summary is equally important so as not to overwhelm the audience and preventing misunderstanding.
Good Interpersonal communication is important, as it is a key to better living and foster healthy relationships among others, be it in the workplace or among our families and peers. Therefore, I hope to improve my communication skills further under your guidance throughout the course of the module.
Yours sincerely,
Cai Xianda
(Revision 3.0)
(Accurate as at 9 February 2017)
To: brad.blackstone@singaporetech.edu.sg
CC: -
Subject: Self-Introduction about myself
Date: 16 January 2017
Dear Brad,
Good day to you. My name is Cai Xianda, currently pursuing a bachelor’s degree in hospitality business at Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). Formerly, I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in hospitality and tourism management.
During my polytechnic days, I interned at Dynasty Travel, a tour operator. My role as a travel consultant requires good listening and communication skills in order to understand customers’ needs and wants about their travel arrangement, planning an itinerary and communicate to them the different travel options and attractions that the country has to offer.
On the other hand, I had my first foray into the hotel industry while interning in Equarius Hotel at Resorts World Sentosa while in SIT. While working as an assistant concierge, my role is to provide special guest arrangements for any occasions, on top of providing guests with information about attractions and travel directions.
In communication, my peers regarded me as a good listener and a great source for travel and transportation advices. I tried many different communication styles through various group projects and presentations, as well as during my working experiences when interacting with colleagues and customers from all walks of life.
However, when it comes to addressing a crowd, my former self of being shy and nervous tends to return, having the tendency to forget the things I wanted to speak and looking at the screen periodically. I might stammer at certain point of delivery, reducing the clarity of my speech to the audience. Sometimes, I tend to be overly descriptive and not being concise in my choice of words. Therefore, mastering the art of summary is equally important so as not to overwhelm the audience and preventing misunderstanding.
Good Interpersonal communication is important, as it is a key to better living and foster healthy relationships among others, be it in the workplace or among our families and peers. Therefore, I hope to improve my communication skills further under your guidance throughout the course of the module.
Yours sincerely,
Cai Xianda
(Revision 3.0)
(Accurate as at 9 February 2017)
Dear Xianda,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this mostly clear, concise and highly detailed letter. I can see from this that you have had many rich experiences to date in a variety of work settings. It's clear that these have influenced your communications skills and your sense of self. You certainly have a lot to share with us this term.
As far as your desire to improve your skills, you've come to the right place. In that regard, please see my comments below, specifically regarding your language use:
1. Lack of parallelism in verb forms
-- ...in order to understand customers’ needs and wants about their travel arrangement, planning an itinerary and communicate to them the different travel options and attractions that the country has to offer.
>>> ?
2. Verb tense
-- My role as a travel consultant requires good listening and communication skills.... >>> (past or present?)
-- Working as an assistant concierge, my role is.... >>> ?
-- Your verbs in paragraphs 4 & 5 are not consistently presented in terms of tense. Some are past, some are present. What time period are you acting in?
3. Incorrect sentence structure
-- Working as an assistant concierge, my role is.... >>> LET"S TALK ABOUT THIS IN CLASS.
4. advices >>> (noncount noun)
5. wrong word combinations (collocations)
-- I experimented many different communication styles... >>>
meaning? experimented with?
-- addressing in a crowd >>> addressing a crowd? speaking to a crowd?
6. Overuse of caps
-- Yours Sincerely, >>> You only need to capitalize the first word of a close.
See http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000051.htm
-- ...pursuing a Bachelor’s Degree in Hospitality Business at Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). Formerly, I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in Hospitality and Tourism Management.
>>> see
https://wmich.edu/writing/rules/capitalization
Please don't let these comments give you the impression that you have made 'too many mistakes.' Though I'm being hypercritical, I really appreciate learning about you, and look forward to learning more.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Brad,
DeleteGood day to you!
First of all, Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to read through my blog post! I truly appreciate your valuable feedbacks with regards to the areas of improvements in my language use, as well as your encouraging comments to strive harder. As always, every weekly class time with you was indeed valuable and enriching and I look forward to learn even more from you while working towards improving my communication skills.
Secondly, I would like to sincerely apologise to you from the bottom of my heart for not replying to you promptly as I had taken longer than usual to scrutinise my individual mistakes and research more on the areas of improvements.
Many thanks once again and wishing you a wonderful week ahead!
Regards,
Xianda
Dear Xianda,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed learning more about you from your first post. You have rich background in the hospitality industry which covers different aspects. I think your experience of interning at travel agency is interesting because it is something that I have yet to try.
Please do not worry, you are not the only one to have fear in speaking to crowds. I believe with more practices, we can overcome the problem and become confident speakers in any settings.
Looking forward to seeing in you class later.
Regards,
Eon
Dear Eon,
DeleteThank your for your words of encouragement! Appreciate your kind words and hope we can achieve this together!
Regards
Xianda